


Cry Out

by mmmdraco



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-26
Updated: 2012-07-26
Packaged: 2017-11-10 18:51:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/469550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe I was just there to pick up the pieces and glue them back together,</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cry Out

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the characters, I mean no harm, I have no money... Stuff like that. Yeah.

Sometimes I wonder what I see in my lover. It always seems like when we're alone, nothing could be more perfect. Then, I happen to get her around Heero Yuy, and she's gone. Around him, she's Relena Peacecraft, little girl who needs everything she wants. She gets me, and she doesn't need anything but my love. I wish she'd stay like that.

Our first joining was something of jealousy. She walked in on Heero and Duo, and even though she knew about them, I think actually seeing them going at it made her decide to do something drastic. That fact that it was Heero taking it up the rear and loving it might have had something to do with it. I happened to be there, and I couldn't help but give in when she propositioned me. I gave in to my greatest weakness: girls who can be strong and fragile at the same time. My wife, Sally Po... If it weren't for the eyebrows, I'd probably have a thing for Dorothy Catalonia... She's stacked.

So, Relena Peacecraft ended up in my bed doing things I'd never even dreamed of. The next morning, we woke up in each other's arms. Right away, she went down on me. After I'd come, twice, she pulled me out of bed and into the shower for another round.

Had it been anyone else, I probably could have forgotten about it. Well, not forgotten, but... dismissed. However, with her... She spent that whole day with me. Even that night when Heero probably had the shock of his life seeing her sitting on my lap when he came down to dinner, then, it was us. When it's just us, it's wonderful. When I can kiss her neck and brush her arm as we pass in the hallway, I can smile. I know I've finally found someone.

But, the next time Relena came over, she sat close to me, but when Heero gave Duo a pointed look and said he was cold, she couldn't do enough to get him wrapped in a blanket. Duo just took it in stride, smiling and chatting quietly with Quatre. It must be nice to be so sure that the love of your life feels the same way about you.

Relena... When we spend the night together, it isn't always sex. It's long conversations as we walk along beaches, it's her telling me how glad she is she got a little crazy that night... and the next morning. We go get ice cream and do the touchy-feely love game for every bit that doesn't quite make it to our mouths. She... is amazing. But, I can't help but feel, sometimes, that it's all a charade. When she looks me in the eye, I see the love there. And, when she turns to Heero, I see the confusion.

He was her first love, I know that. Whether it was real or meant to be is inconsequential. Heero and Duo are together, and they're both sure about what they feel, so she won't break them up. They're too honest with each other for any bad blood to come between them, let alone a girl when they're both 100% sure they're gay.

Maybe I was just there to pick up the pieces and glue them back together. Now, there's that better chance for another fracture, and more glue isn't going to help.

It doesn't seem fair, somehow. Heero has enough love in his life. I have sex, and confusion, and Relena and I don't know where that puts me with love. I have love to give to other people, but I don't think the laws of love are like the laws of energy. You don't have to receive love to give love. In fact, quite the opposite sometimes.

Relena's coming over for dinner tonight. Heero's out on a mission. I feel sorry for being so glad he's gone. But, it means I'll get to enjoy Relena's company instead of constantly worrying about what will happen. And, I know I don't even have to worry about Duo being there. Were he not with Heero, and not gay, she would probably be with Duo instead of me. In fact, maybe tonight, she'll finally ask him about Heero, and she'll find out stuff that she didn't want to know. I mean, I can't rightfully tell her all that I know about Heero just to ease her curiousity and keep her all to myself. I have to let this run through her system and let her have her other resources to put it all together.

I wish I could be the one thing to keep her strong, but no one ingredient can do that. Super glue, cement... It's all got a couple of ingredients. And, she has to help hold herself together, too.

But, I'd do anything for her... except help her get Heero Yuy. That's the one thing that I know is impossible, and, unfortunately, I get the feeling that it's the thing she wants the most.

I love her, but she frustrates me greatly. We've been together for almost six months. I go out of my way to be sweet to her, and not because I feel obligated; I just like to. I send her flowers when she has meetings that she's not looking forward to. I bring her chocolates when she gives me a call to come over and she looks a little unhappy. All of the things that I thought were incredibly sappy and awful... I find myself doing those things willingly. And, she does them in return, and I love it. And, even though that comforts me, and makes me 99% sure that she would never leave me for anyone else, I get worried. I can't be absolutely sure about anything. That wouldn't be fair to me, and it wouldn't be fair to her.

I know that Yuy doesn't want her, and I'm relatively sure that she doesn't really want Yuy, but that doesn't stop me from being paranoid. It's like having a dog that doesn't like anything sweet, and putting it in a room with a ton of chocolate. You know the dog won't want to have more than a lick at most, but that doesn't stop you from worrying that the dog will actually eat it and die because of it. Only, Relena isn't a dog, and she's not chocolate, she's a strong-willed, determined girl... who bites off more than she can chew.

It worries me, and I can't help it. And, even when she's in my arms, and in my bed, I have to wonder how long it will last.

It makes me want to scream at her, but I couldn't bear to. So, I scream at other people. I let out my frustration on a punching bag, and I do pushups and pullups and situps until my muscles ache so much I want to curl up in a ball on the floor and cry. I read books whose print and content work my eyes and brain beyond their normal limits.

I know I'll end up better for it, but that doesn't stop me from wondering whether it's all a good thing. I'll need reading glasses in the future, and I'll probably have back problems, and I might get to the point where I'm so smart that no one can understand what I'm talking about. And, maybe she'll love me for it.

And maybe I try too hard to please her, but I like doing it. It might just be jealousy on my part that I try everything I can to keep her with me, but a little bit of jealousy is okay. It has to be.

And, if it weren't for the fact that I love her, I'd give up. But, you don't give up on what you love, no matter what.

But, she still makes me want to scream.


End file.
